she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
