She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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