Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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