if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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