When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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