Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
