When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
