just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
