we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
