I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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