Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
