Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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