Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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