Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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