Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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