The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
