So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Panties = found
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
