I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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