I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize