If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
