Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
