U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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