I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
