I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
