Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
