i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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