So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
