i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
