you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
