youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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