She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need water and some morals
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
