I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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