how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
