So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
