If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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