guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Two words: nipple clamps
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