dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
