Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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