In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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