I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
