Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
