Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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