I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
