If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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