My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
