I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's get the cat blown out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
