just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
