I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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