Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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