Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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