That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
