y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Randomize
