No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
