The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
