whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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