just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
