Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
did you just send me my own nude
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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