guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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