did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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