As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
