I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
